The Tree That Fell On My House
On Sunday a tree fell on my house. I saw it happen. I was in the living room, looking through the apartment out the kitchen window. The meadow in the backyard was thriving. Sure it was attracting mosquitos (due to the fact that the hose had been on for a week and the backyard was basically a standing cesspool of malaria). But it was thriving. As I looked out the window, I heard a loud CRACK! And then the backyard was covered with hanging branches and leaves, dangling from velocity that was broken when A GIANT BRANCH BROKE OFF OF A TREE AND FELL ON MY HOUSE!
I actually thought to myself as I slowly got up off the couch, "hmmmm, I think a tree just fell on my house." My cell phone rang and then I thought to myself, "I bet that is someone calling to tell me that a tree just fell on my house.".
"Hi." It was my sister. "How are you?"
"Ummmm, I'm well." I answered. "I'm pretty sure that a tree just fell on my house. But I'm well." I walked out to the backyard to investigate.
"A tree fell on your house?" My short stroll through the meadow confirmed my suspicion. A tree had, in fact, fallen on my house. On my bedroom roof, as a matter of fact.
"Yep," I shrugged. "A tree definitely just fell on my house."
Luckily the damage was very slight. My ceiling is separated in two places, the roof beam is split in half, and if you really look closely, the wood paneled wall is slightly bowing inwards due to the massive weight of the tree that was resting on it.
The branch is gone now. The tree service guys cut it up and it is now firewood for the winter. Recycling is a great thing. And so are fireplaces. Turns out the tree is rotting. The whole tree needs to be taken down. But get this. Apparently, the neighors, who own the tree as it is on their property, don't want to cut down the tree. Apparently, the neighbors would rather let the tree rot undisturbed, until another, even larger and heavier, branch falls on my house. Maybe this time I'll actually be in bed, and the thing can crash through the roof. Clearly, the neighbors would rather let the tree die a slow rotting death than cut it down in hopes of saving my life.
I hate that Coors Light commercial where they cut off the bride's head from the bride and groom ice sculpture to put in their 'cooler' to keep their beer warm. But it's better to save the beer, even shitty Coors Light, than to let that ice bride die a slow melty death. My neighbors are dumb jerks.